Food & Self Destruction

So I have not written in a while.  I have the urge to write now because I had a major epiphany.  Ready?

So I LOVE to shop at farmer's markets, Whole Foods, Lois Naturals, Trader Joe's....you get the picture?  I get some weird high off of buying local.  I am addicted to the feeling I get when I see all healthy, whole foods on the little conveyer belt at the grocery store.

HOWEVER....there is this little evil voice inside of me who sometimes says "You deserve a bagel damn it!" or "I am going to eat a whoopie pie today!"  And they shake their mean little fist in the sky.  Then I eat it. In the same fashion an addict would go after drugs.  Sometimes I think afterwards, "did I even taste that going down?!"

I wonder...who am I rebelling against?  I am only punishing myself.  I have no parental figure telling me what I can or cannot eat.  Matter of fact, I am usually alone when I do these destructive things.  I am only punishing my belly, ass and thighs....I am not "showing them" I can eat crap if I want to.  I am hurting myself.

Why would I do that?  I was asked recently how I felt when I took the Arbonne 30-day detox.  I reported that I felt amazing! I felt like the strongest, bravest, woman alive to give up cheese for 30 days.  I felt on top of the world when I proudly ordered my veggie burger wrapped in lettuce instead of a greasy bun.  I felt full of energy.  I felt less puffy and sluggish.  I could not report a single bad feeling.  I lost 15 lbs without exercising or counting a single point or calorie.

So why did I return to my old ways?  Why did I feel entitled to a plate of fries and chicken fingers?  Is this because society sells this stuff so much that I feel like I am missing out??  Maybe.  Is it some deep down anger towards myself that makes me sabotage myself?  Maybe - that is what I pay a therapist for.

I am sure many others have felt this way.  I am pretty confident I am not alone here.  So I am going to proudly and confidently declare - "I DESERVE WHOLE FOODS"  "I LOVE MY BODY & WILL NURTURE IT WITH CLEAN EATING"  "I DO NOT NEED OR WANT DAIRY & GLUTEN"  "I WOULD NEVER POISON MY BODY WITH PROCESSED FOODS OR ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS"!!

I no longer will tell myself I deserve a dessert or a bag of potato chips.  That is a lie.  I deserve to eat like a queen.  I deserve to eat only the best foods.  Foods grown with love.  Foods that were protected from chemicals and pesticides.  Foods that were made with concern rather than harmful ingredients.  Foods that are fresh and clean.

Do you deserve the same? Or do you deserve chemically processed packaged foods?  Foods that contain additives that make you addicted to their nastiness?

I started my day with a Vanilla Arbonne shake made with almond milk, fiber powder and a mixture of frozen berries.  I had my Arbonne Omega-3 and a vitamin pack for women.  I have packed my Arbonne Nutrition Bar for snack as well as some gluten free brown rice cakes.

We need to change our mindset.  I need to create a new reality.  I hope you will join me.  I believe you deserve it too!

xoxo

Jess

Starting the new year with a CLEAN start

Today is the 1st of a new year.  I decided about a week ago that I would start the first month of the new year on a detox.  I am going to use Arbonne's 30-day healthy living plan.  I will eat clean, organic foods.  I will avoid allergens and addictive foods.  This means I will avoid dairy, gluten, soy, peanuts, coffee, etc.


I prepared myself by spending the 30th and the 31st skipping coffee and diet pepsi (my favorite things to consume).  I also attempted to avoid dairy.  I say attempted because I accidentally took a few bites out of Maya's mac & cheese.  Honestly, this is my problem - right?!  I stick food in my mouth without even thinking.  After I swallowed the bite I thought "WTF did I just do?!?!"  


I think I will give myself credit for 2 or the 3 days as dairy-free.  I am really proud of this because cheese is my other passion.


I planned to start to start this journey on the 1st with the 30th & 31st as a dry run.  Then I realized I did not have the food I needed to be successful.  I have my shopping list ready. I know what I need....I just cannot go shopping until I get paid. 


So....I am committed to a modified version of the cleanse.   I am not throwing out the idea because I do not have the food. I will have my 2 shakes, I am avoiding dairy, caffeine, coffee.  I am eating clean.  I did have peanut butter in my shake because I did not have almond butter.  


I am confident this is better than the eating habits I had 5 days ago! 


So....here we go.  Day by day.  I will be healthy.  I will avoid foods that I am clearly addicted to.  This is not a short term fix.  This is a new path.  I am ready to take it....